Wouldn't it be awesome if they made a movie called The Blood on Santa's Claw?
Now here's the part where you, as usual, jump in and go, "Yeah, Diego, but what would it be about?" Which some people may ascribe to impatience on your part, but I prefer to think of as a refreshing enthusiasm (and if it was impatience, I'd still give you a pass, 'cause I'd assume you have to go to the bathroom or something, 'cause maybe you're 68 years old and had a McRib meal for lunch).
In answer to your query, though, I'd say The Blood on Santa's Claw is about Santa getting bit by a vampire while delivering toys to a house in Eastern Europe one foggy Christmas Eve...and then becoming a vampire himself! Holy fucking shit! Ooo, maybe the vampire who turns Santa is Dracula, the Dracula, the Prince of Darkness himself, who's risen from the grave and whose blood we must taste (hmm...why's that sound so familiar? Oh, that's right...).
For reasons best worked out during that phase of Hollywood studio moviemaking known as "in development," the story's climax would take place at the North Pole, at Santa's village or castle or Fortress of Solitude or whatever, where Santa & his elves would stand off against Dracula & his vampire lackeys (vackeys?).
"But, Diego," you say as you lean back in your Garden Treasures aluminum-strap chaise lounge patio chair from Lowe's and take a sip of that boxed wine you like so much, "what about The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, specifically the 1-hour Christmas special, 'Billy & Mandy Save Christmas,' in which Santa Claus gets bitten by & becomes a vampire?"
To which I'd reply, "Fuck you! I had that same exact idea like a year before 'Billy & Mandy Save Christmas' was broadcast!" (Which is true, I really did.) And then I'd quote David Trottier: "Creativity is not creating something out of nothing; it's a new twist on an old idea. It's making new combinations out of old patterns. It's converting the Big Dipper into the Little Ladle." (The Screenwriter's Bible, 4th Edition, p. 89.)
If, at this point, you kept giving me shit, then I'd point out that Shakespeare "borrowed" the plot of Hamlet from the Ur-Hamlet & other sources (oh, you gonna get all up in Shakespeare's Kool-Aid now?), that Holly Lisle'd back me up on the notion of "borrowing" ideas and/or points of inspiration from other works, and that subsequently in history, "borrowing," "reworking" & "reimagining" are both widespread in practice and have yielded some worthy results (e.g. Romeo & Juliet → West Side Story; Parts: The Clonus Horror → The Island; Garfield → Garfield the Movie - you see? YOU SEE?).
And/or you might say (in an excessively whiny voice, for some reason): "But, Diego, isn't there already a movie called Satan Claws?"
"Good point," I'd say, and then refer to the contemporary phenomenon of dueling movie releases as an example of (to paraphrase David Trottier) a new twist on the same ideas (well, a hoped-for new twist, or at least the semblance thereof, for the sake of the box office; I mean, you don't have to work that hard these days to fool an audience into watching the same movie over & over, but it still involves some effort [like changing the title & all the characters' names {e.g. War of the Worlds → Earth vs. the Flying Saucers → Independence Day → War of the Worlds → Skyline → Battle: Los Angeles → ?}]).
So, yes, there is a movie called Satan Claws. So what? Let's face it, kids: "evil Santa" stories are by now almost on the verge of perhaps possibly becoming (maybe) a fringe tradition of the Christmas experience in America. To wit: Christmas Evil, Don't Open Till Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night, the aforementioned Satan Claws, Bad Santa, Santa's Slay, etc. To me, the burgeoning nature of this sub-sub-genre signals a welcome to new expressions of its core values & tenets, a call to storytellers everywhere to bring their voices to the Evil Santa Party, and all I'm doing is RSVPing that my ass be attending. Me + 1 guest...will it be you?
And then you'd say, "Yes, Diego, I see your point. I'm really looking forward to The Blood on Santa's Claw now." To which I'd reply, "Well, this ought to tide you over till then, or this..."
¡Feliz Navidad!
Copyright © 2010 by Diego Baz
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